Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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