awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am one with the molecules
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
