8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
