The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
cat food counts as protein by the way
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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