yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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