go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
