I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
