I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
