I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
