i will never coherently bang her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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