I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
