How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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