who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
