I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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