great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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