I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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