How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
