I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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