You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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