yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
