a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
