Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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