When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
