no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
