i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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