if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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