i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
