I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We got so high we made milksteak
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
