The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just cropdusted the office
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
