you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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