Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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