You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
