god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize