Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
