He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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