I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
