Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drunk is not a location!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
