I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
