Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
