My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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