Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
