I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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