I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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