Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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