I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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