And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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