Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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