im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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