you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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