I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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