part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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