It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
