Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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