I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
