by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
