last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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