Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize