She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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