This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
