upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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