the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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