His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
