I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
