mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
