I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
