Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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