I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
