im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
