john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize