So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
