i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
